Darcy's Dates
by smaragdbird
Summary: Apparently if your friends are superheroes your dating life dies quickly because the word over-protective was invented for them (Darcy/various)


The first time she thought it was an accident. Even in a city like New York you could run into people you knew. Even if said person was Tony Stark.

In retrospect she should have known better.

"Hi", Tony said cheerfully as he spotted her in the crowd.

"What are you doing here?" Darcy asked because when she had seen him three hours ago he had been arguing with Bruce over something science-y and had showed no intention to go anywhere but the kitchen to get more coffee.

"I always wanted to try this club. People say it's hot."

Darcy raised her eyebrows but before she could voice her doubts that Tony had just discovered a fifteen year old student club Tom reappeared with their drinks.

Which he promptly dropped when he saw Tony. Engineering students were always Ironman fanboys.

"Tom this is Tony, Tony Tom", she introduced them.

"Nice to meet you", Tony said with a fake smile. "It's nice of you to keep Darcy company. It's a pity her boyfriend has to work so much."

"I…ah…no….it's…fine", Tom said lamely.

Darcy was going to murder Tony.

/

"Darcy Lewis!" Thor's booming voice cut easily through the noise in the restaurant. He smiled as if he was genuinely happy to see her although Will decidedly wasn't happy to see Thor.

"You picked a wonderful place to celebrate the end of another week", he told her and sat down next to her. "I have come here with Jane many times."

Funnily enough Jane had never mentioned that.

"And you are?" Will asked annoyed.

"Thor Odinson of Asgard", Thor introduced himself. "And you?"

"Will Buxton", Will said sourly.

The waitress arrived with their food and Thor launched into an epic story about a hunt where the Lady Sif and he had slain two lions and eaten their still beating hearts.

Needless to say that Will didn't call her again.

/

Darcy tried not to cringe when Clint knocked against the window and grinned.

"Do you know this guy?" Ed asked.

"We're colleagues", Darcy answered.

"Hi Darcy, I just saw you and thought I'd say hi. Good work today, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that earlier."

She had done nothing today but to go over requisition forms with Coulson. She hadn't seen Clint once.

"Is this your brother?" Clint asked, looking at Ed. "He has to be. The family resemblance is uncanny. Geoffrey wasn't it?"

"I'm Edward and I'm not her brother."

"Right, Ed, you're the guy Darcy said reminds her of her brother. Sorry for that", Clint looked as honest as possible but in her mind Darcy was already planning to delay his next requisition for arrows until he begged her for them.

"I'll leave you to it then. See you tomorrow", he waved at Darcy and was out of the door again.

/

"Hey, where are you going?" Tony asked when he caught Darcy in the hallway.

"On a date", she told him and regretted it immediately. What if he turned up at the club again?

"But Bruce is cooking tonight", Tony said as if it was unthinkable to miss out Bruce's culinary skills.

Darcy swallowed. She had been looking forward to going out with Jack.

"What is he cooking?" She asked tentatively because it _was_ a shame to miss Bruce's meals.

"Curry", Tony said.

Darcy looked at her watch and then back at the kitchen door.

Then she hung up her cloak.

Bruce's curry was just about worth missing her date.

/

"Hi", Happy said, shuffling his feet.

"Hi", Darcy said back. She liked Happy. Other than Ed he actually reminded her of Geoff.

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure."

"There is the annual SI ball in six weeks and Pepper asked me to come with her -"

"Sweet", Darcy told him. She thought that Happy and Pepper made a cute couple.

"But I can't dance", Happy finished.

Darcy nodded she could see where the favour came in.

"I found this dancing school and I want to surprise her so I can't ask her."

"No problem, I'll go with you", she promised him.

"Thanks", Happy's smile was even brighter than Thor's and she could see where the nickname came from. "The course starts tomorrow evening. I'll pick you up?"

"Sure", she said and resigned herself to postponing her date with Jack a second time.

/

This time everything seemed to go perfectly. None of her meddling teammates had turned up so far and Jack hadn't taken his eyes off her in the past twenty minutes. His long fingers were caressing her hand when someone cleared his throat and Jack pulled his hand back immediately.

When Darcy turned around to see what had him so spooked she saw Steve standing in the door, looking disapproving.

"Hey…", Darcy said with forced enthusiasm, "let me guess: this is your favourite café?"

"Tony said your date doesn't have a car so I've come to pick you up. It's too far to walk from here."

"You – what?" She asked him disbelievingly.

"You shouldn't take a girl out if you cannot bring her home safely", Steve told Jack with an expression that spelled out his disappointment in capital letters.

"He doesn't have to bring me home", Darcy protested.

"I know, that's what I'm going to do", Steve's tone left no room for objections.

She didn't speak with Steve for a week after that.

/

Pepper opened the conversation with, "You need clothes."

"I…what?" Darcy asked back and looked at her clothes. Sure her jumper was three years old and a bit faded and the heels of her jeans were ripped but she was off-duty right now and just in the Stark Tower because Steve had invited her to catch up on old Disney movies with him and she was sick of being angry with him about Jack, who had given up on her anyway.

She hoped Bill would be a bit more resistant to super-soldier glares. He worked for Shield after all.

"You are becoming more and more involved in the liaison between the Avengers and Shield. You need better clothes than this when you're a public figure. You don't see Phil running around in jeans and t-shirts."

Darcy together with every other junior agent in Shield believed that Agent Coulson's suits were an Armani version of the Ironman suit and that he could hide weapons for a small army in them but she wisely kept her mouth shut.

"We'll go tomorrow at lunch", Pepper decided. "Picking the right clothes for you should need some time."

So much for her lunch date with Bill.

/

"There you are", Jane snapped impatiently. "I called you three times."

"I told you – "Darcy started but Jane took her arm and hauled her off her chair.

Bill blinked a little confused.

"Sorry", Jane said to him, "but Darcy is my intern and the weather is perfect for observations."

Bill laughed and Darcy could have kissed him which she had wanted to do anyway.

"Work, I understand that. I heard the weather's good tomorrow too. We could watch the stars if you want?" He asked Darcy who really, really wanted to kiss him now.

"Sure", she said as Jane dragged her out of the door. "I'll call you."

/

"I'll drive you", Erik offered when he heard that Bill and Darcy wanted to meet a bit north of New York and then take out a boat to see the stars.

"Thank you", Darcy said happily. "What do you think?" She gestured towards her outfit, a combination of the clothes Pepper had bought for her and her own.

Erik gave her a friendly pat on the back. "You look perfect."

Did she really have to mention that Erik's car broke down in the middle of nowhere and she never made it to her date?

/

It was Chris' idea to meet her at Stark Tower. Darcy had tried to convince him that it was the worst idea ever but he had waved her concerns off.

He was a member of the Helicarrier's bridge crew after all and he played Galaga during office hours. The Avengers wouldn't scare him.

When she came down, dressed in a white etui dress that showed off her cleavage brilliantly and made Steve blush bright right up to his roots, Natasha and Bucky had pulled out all their guns, knives, rifles and other weaponry on a large blanket and were cleaning them.

Darcy put her hands in her hips and glared at them. "Really, guys? Do you have to do that tonight?"

"Why not?" Bucky asked guileless.

"Because – "Darcy started when she heard Chris' voice.

"Are you ready? I'm starving and – "he stopped abruptly when one of Natasha's knives embedded itself into the doorframe about a centimetre away from his head.

"Sorry", Natasha said with a grin that showed way too many teeth. "Force of habit."

Chris paled considerably.

"Bye, guys, let's go", Darcy said quickly and hustled him out of the door before Bucky could shoot Chris "out of habit".

/

Then there came Hal.

Hal was tall and green-eyed and red-haired. He was a senior agent who had miraculously survived having the entire Western base collapse on him when Loki appeared the first time. Like Bill he knew the crazy work hours of Shield but unlike Bill he wasn't intimidated by Natasha more than the other Avengers because he had already worked with her.

Hal had been part of Coulson's team both when they had fought against Stane and in New Mexico.

If she wasn't going to have sex with him she was going to kill someone.

Not that her friends didn't try but Hal, to her delight, was just as devious.

When Rhodey was adamant that Darcy needed to learn how to fly a Quinjet, Hal offered to learn flight regulations with her.

When Betty Ross and Tony wanted to throw a party for Bruce's birthday and roped everyone into it as well Hal hung up garlands and bantered with Bucky and Clint.

When Maria told her sternly that self-defence classes were mandatory for Shield agents Hal volunteered to train her (albeit under Maria's watchful eye). Damn her if Darcy didn't want to rip of his clothes when he pinned her to the ground, sweating and breathing hard.

"You don't leave until you can shoot straight with this", Fury told her and dropped the grenade launcher into her lap.

"I could use some more practice as well", Hal said and gave her a promising smile that had her biting her lip in anticipation.

Of course it was Steve who drove her home because Hal was suddenly called to an emergency.

/

"It's traditional Shield Agents breakfast day", Sitwell said cheerfully the next morning. Hal's emergency had turned out to be a hoax so he was present as well.

"I live just around the corner", Hal whispered to her when they entered the café, trailing in after Sitwell, Hill, Coulson, Fury, Natasha and Clint.

"Hey, why did no one invite us?" Tony asked as he burst in, followed by Thor, Steve, Bucky and Bruce. "We're Shield as well."

"You're a consultant", Fury pointed out.

"Close enough", Tony hand-waved the argument.

Somehow she and Hal ended up on opposite ends of the table and afterwards Coulson took him aside because he needed to speak with him.

/

"Where's Hal?" Darcy asked when Coulson came back alone.

"Agent Henry had to leave on a mission immediately. I'm afraid the details are classified."

That was when Darcy had enough.

"That's it!" She yelled, not caring that she was in the middle of her colleagues and friends in a public place. "I don't know what the hell you guys are playing but I'm sick of it. Do you know how long it's been since I had sex? Too fucking long! I'm not going to stay here and watch you ruin my life for your fucking jokes."

She could have heard a needle falling to the floor in the ensuing silence.

"You heard the lady, Steve", Bucky drawled with an amused smirk on his lips. "You should take her home and give her what she needs."

"What is he talking about?" Darcy asked, glaring at Steve.

"I…I…like you…" He said tentatively.

"You're not funny", Darcy growled at him and stormed out.

/

"Can we talk?" Steve asked. She wasn't sure how he had found her but here he was.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'm sorry."

Darcy sighed and opened the door. Steve was nearly invisible behind a giant bunch of flowers.

Five minutes later they sat in her kitchen with the flowers split between three vases since it was too big for a single one.

"I'm sorry", Steve repeated.

"You said that already."

"I'm not sure you believe me."

"Why should I? You haven't told me why you would set up your friends to ruin my love life."

"I like you."

"You already said that too."

"No, I _like_ you", Steve repeated, willing her to understand.

Darcy laughed disbelievingly. "Yeah, sure."

"You don't believe me."

"Steve, I'm me and you're you", she gestured between the two of them.

"And?"

"You're Captain America and I'm just a student and a wannabe Shield agent. Excuse me for doubting that you like me like that."

"But I do. And you're more than that. You're smart and funny and you don't treat me any differently just because I got lucky in my life", Steve pointed out. He said it so earnestly that she almost believed him.

"That still doesn't explain why you set up the others to ruin my dates."

"I… that wasn't my idea." Somehow that was easier to believe than the idea that Steve might like her in any special and non-platonic/little-sister kind of way.

"It wasn't?"

"I told Thor about you…and I think it sort of evolved into an own existence from this point." Of course it hadn't been Steve's idea. Steve wasn't mean. But trust Shield and the Avengers to play matchmakers by eliminating any other possibility until Darcy had to date Steve or remain single and sexually frustrated forever.

"Do me a favour and just ask next time. It's not that hard."

"Yes it is", Steve said softly.

"No it isn't", Darcy said and leaned in to kiss him.


End file.
